i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
