yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
