I accidentally had phone sex last night
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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