I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
