i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
