She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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