i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
