there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
