i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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