I can tuck mytits in my pants
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
