the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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