and you said cock pushups were impossible
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
