i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
