I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
