In the future we'll all be gay
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
