I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
