if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
