How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
