the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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