pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.