i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.