yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.