I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night