Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
should my penis look like a turkey
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies