there's paper in my vomit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.