my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
