she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
