THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You need a sexual gate keeper
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
