Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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