It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
