I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
