I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
