I'm lost and stupid without you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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