so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this just has baby written all over it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
