nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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