just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
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