Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize