Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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