He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
