I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
