but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
