I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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