Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
