I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
