i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
