my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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