I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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