Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My dick has a subreddit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
