turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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