how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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