The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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