I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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