Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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