i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
