just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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