So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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