This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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