Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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