At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
