Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
