I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
