I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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