I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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