I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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