I accidentally had phone sex last night
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
smell my finger.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
