Who did Billy Mays play for?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
