she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
