ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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