Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
