you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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