If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize