Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
