Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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