Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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