If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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